I am told that one of the hottest toys this year on kids’ wish list is the Hatchimal. Honestly, this doctor mom did not know what it was, what it hatched, or why it was so popular. I did not buy one for my children- I’m on strike really. I hate toy trends. But the truth is, we must be mindful of caving at the hands of toy marketers. We must be even more careful not too overindulge our children. I write this blog for all of you who parent and for myself as well, because I am guilty of buying my kids too much “stuff”. As the holidays approach, keep this blog in mind.

It is with the best of intentions sometimes that we spoil our kids. It can be with things, experiences or with discipline. I’m going to explain why this is harmful and can potentially create more issues...other than burning a hole in your wallet!

There are few things more irritating than a capable child or young adult expecting things to be done for them, rules to be broken for them, life to mold “like Play-doh” around their problems. Yet many parents create this by doing too much for their kids. Some parents do their kid’s projects from start to finish. Others rescue their children when they forget a deadline, allow them to miss school and work because of the sniffles, pay for everything without expecting any hard work. This creates a sense of entitlement on the part of the kids. Disappointment as they realize not everyone will praise them for doing what they should be doing as a responsible person. Frustration as they realize they must work hard and the true benefits are not monetary gains but self-worth and rich experiences. Feelings of inadequacy can be overwhelming for these children as they are thrust into a world that does not cater to them. If they are capable, let them do. Natural consequences can be powerful. Let them feel empowered. If they don’t take the initiative, let them fail. This is really hard to do. It feels good to care for our kids and uncomfortable to watch them stumble.

Here are some scenarios to think about:

your 5 year old refuses to wear the proper school tights. she wants to wear the yellow ones with the blue bows. do you force her to follow the dress code or do you allow her to wear the wrong tights and get reprimanded at school? natural consequences, you may be embarrassed but if you put it in perspective, it may just prove to be a memorable lesson.

your 7 year old leaves her book report to the last minute. it’s 9:00 pm at night and she is tired and whining like Calliou. do you complete it for her? do you give her the choice to get up early and complete it? do you watch her get a lower grade because she rushed it or even an incomplete.

your teenager is a big spender. she has a job but spends most of her money on clothes. she wants to go on the senior trip to a ski resort. she asks you to pay for the trip. do you pay up because it is potentially a good experience and yu don’t want her to miss out? do you pay and have her pay you back with a summer job? do you explain that she knew about this trip all along and now she cannot go?

The littles...toys, toys, and more toys. At my house it is like they are alive, creeping out of the woodwork when I’m not looking, setting themselves up just in my path only to be stepped on, thrown in the toy box or kicked down the stairs (doesn’t everyone do that?) I do break out the big black garbage bag occasionally after the kids go to bed. Must be big for all of the plastic toys that do nothing. Must be black because if the kids see through it in the garage, it is all over. I can hear it now, “I need that small, yellow, plastic chip” that is part of a long lost game that will never be played again. “I love that stuffed animal I won at the fair! It’s my favorite.” Seriously, all fair stuffed animals should be banned. So, why do we do this? Buy more of what we have already? Buy the same thing in different colors? Buy that trendy Hatchimal? Could we be filling some gap from our childhood? Could we be modeling our childhood? Could we be wanting to please our children so much so that we lose sight of what is important? You can say no to that toy even if you can afford it. You can limit holiday gifts and shift the focus away from the stuff. What really matters is time spent with family and your health. Remind your kids of this. Model it. Expose them to those less fortunate. Your kids will appreciate their belongings if they have less of them. I’m challenging myself in the months and years that follow. Join me. Put down the Hatchimal. You’ll have less to clean up, more money to spend on experiences and more appreciative kids.

Dr. S