What if I told you there was one thing you could do for your family every day that could:

● help your preschooler be ready-to-read

● help your children have higher self-esteem

● help your teenagers be more likely to graduate high school and less likely to engage in risky or dangerous behavior

● help everyone (adults included) have better eating habits, better health, and lower the risk of depression

What could possibly have such positive, wide-ranging effects?

It's simple, though perhaps not easy: these effects were seen in families that eat dinner together at the table most nights. One 2015 review of scientific studies found that children and teens whose families ate dinner together regularly had lower rates of disordered eating, youth alcohol and substance use, violent behavior, feelings of depression or thoughts of suicide, and higher self-esteem and better school outcomes. 

Here are some strategies to make family dinners a meaningful part of your family's routine:

● Involve your children in planning and cooking meals. Children love to help. Picky eaters are more likely to try foods they picked themselves. Let kids pick elements of the meal ("Do you want to have carrots, asparagus, or broccoli as a side with the meatloaf?") or, on occasion, let kids pick the whole menu!

● Dinners do not have to be fancy or fussy. However, adding in rituals and "special" elements can build a sense of connection. You may start family dinners with a prayer if that fits your family's beliefs, or with your own routine. For example, families may go around the table and name one thing they are thankful for that day. This often sparks conversation and builds in a gratitude practice —another positive habit. Taking time to set the table and even lighting candles is optional but adds to the experience and communicates to our children that sitting down together is something special to be treasured.

● Have the dinner table be a "screen-free zone". This includes turning off screens both big (TV) and small (phones), for both parents and kids alike -- sometimes this is harder for the grownups than the kids! Dinner is a time for being fully present with each other.

● Make it fun! Incorporating games like "Would you rather” or "I spy" can keep children interested. Starting a dinner-topic conversation can also lead to connection. Try asking "If you could have one, and only one superpower, what would it be?" or "Do you think it's more fun to be a parent or a kid? Why?"

● Don't let worries about doing it "perfectly" get in the way of the "good". Often, we become overwhelmed and discouraged by the image of how we think things "ought to be". If you can only have family dinner 4 nights a week, or not everyone can be there, or meals are pretty simple affairs -- all of this is okay! You can always keep building over time. If dinners together are not possible due to work schedules, you can even switch up the mealtime; perhaps in your household, breakfast works best. What matters is that we keep making time and space to sit down and eat together as a family.

Interested in having more family dinners, but having some challenges? thefamilydinnerproject.org is a great resource. It has kid- and budget-friendly recipe ideas, suggestions for conversation topics and games, as well as more information on how having a regular family dinner can be good for everyone at the table.

Dr. E’s Corner is written by Elizabeth Conway Williams Ph.D., psychologist and behavioral health provider with Hendersonville Pediatrics.