As a parent it is your job to raise and help your child to feel worthy, loved and valued. Your child likely looks up to you for guidance on how to navigate the world, and if you can lead by example in a healthy, encouraging way, your child will want to do that too, and that can help bolster your child’s sense of self-esteem. Previously, we did an article on how you can help your child become resilient, and if you’re interested, click here to read that article which may give you good pointers on helping your child become more confident and resilient in the face of adversity.

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is your overall sense of your personal value and self-worth. It’s important to your child’s development because self-esteem heavily influences your child’s choices and decisions now and in the future. A healthy, well-adjusted child will better be able to reach their potential and have a better quality of life compared to a child whose self-esteem may be lower. Self-esteem can also be known as self-respect, self-worth and more.

There are 5 primary factors that go into building self-esteem. Those are:

• Self-confidence
• Feeling of security
• Identity
• Sense of belonging
• Feelings of competence

Self-esteem impacts the decision-making process, relationships with others, emotional health, and the overall sense of well-being. It can also influence motivation, and those who have good self-esteem understand their potential and may feel inspired to take on new challenges and may be able to better adapt to a difficult situation or stressor.

Children who have a healthy sense of self-esteem tend to:

• Feel liked and accepted
• Feel confident and proud of what they can do
• Think good things about themselves
• Believe in themselves

Children who don’t have a healthy sense of self-esteem:

• Are self-critical and hard on themselves
• Likely to not feel as though they are as good as other children
• Doubt themselves and their abilities to do something well
• Lack confidence
• Think about the times they have failed rather than when they have succeeded

Why does self-esteem matter?

Children who feel good about themselves not only have the confidence to try new things and expand their horizons, but also are more likely to try their best, feel proud of themselves and what they’ve accomplished and helps children build up resilience during times when things are not so great. They do better at school, at home and with their friends and tend to be well adjusted when adversity hits them.

How can I help my child build up their self-esteem?

 It’s important to understand that even if you are the best parent that you can be, some children will naturally have more confidence than others, and that’s okay. Fortunately, it is possible to raise your child’s self-esteem by trying out any of our suggestions below!

Help your child learn how to do things. There is always something new to learn, regardless of your child’s age, or maybe even your own! Teaching your child how to do certain skills like riding a bike, how to swim or how to read can have enormous benefits that can bolster up your child’s sense of self-esteem.


Be patient with your children, and when you are teaching your child to do something, be present. Show them how to do something and help them at first, but don’t get frustrated while they are learning and ultimately just do it yourself. Give them the opportunity to struggle and fail at doing something, be there to tell them it’s going to be okay, and have patience and understanding and try to show them again.


Praise your child when they do something correctly. Be specific in telling them what they did right and tell them you are proud of them. Even if they mess up a few times, tell them you are proud of them for trying and encourage them to keep trying. Don’t overpraise your child though- because if they truly haven't done something correctly, it could come off as insincere or build up their confidence falsely, which can cause a host of other issues as they get older.


Praise effort, not results. Even if your child fails something or doesn’t do it correctly, let them know you are proud of them for trying and tell them they can try again later.


Be a good role model for your child. When you put effort into everyday tasks such as cleaning the house, cooking dinner or exercising, you’re setting a good example for your child. By watching how you handle things, your child will learn how to handle stuff as well. Modelling a positive attitude and taking pride in what you’ve done will help your child navigate their own lives too.


Do not be overly critical or harsh if your child doesn’t do something correctly. The messages that children hear about themselves from other people easily translate into how they feel about themselves. Avoid phrases such as “you’re lazy,” or “you’re wrong,” or other negative messages that could hurt your child’s feelings and how they percieve themselves.


Focus on your child’s strengths, and don’t get totally caught up in their weaknesses. Pay attention to what your child does well and what they are proud of themselves for and capitalize on those strengths. This can improve your child’s behavior and attitude about doing things.


Let children help and give. Self-esteem tends to grow when kids get to see that what they do matters to other people. Let your child help you with chores, or get involved in volunteer work to help others. Kindness and the ability to help others can build self-esteem and other good feelings your child has about themselves.